Before you start, I just thought I should give a little explanation or warning or whatever you want to call it: (if you wanna ignore it just skip over the whole bold portion lol)
Okay, so this whole thing is sort of just a rant and I’ve been in a sort of toxic dynamic where either I or they put their entire happiness on the other’s hands and the whole thing goes up in flames. Please don’t think I’m saying those in relationships shouldn’t exactly be in one if they’re depressed or sad. Because if that was the case, literally no one would be in a relationship because its basically impossible. Anyway, I just thought I should sort of give a little explanation or heads up I guess. This is just a depression rant.
I’m not in a happy place
Not in a good place.
And while having a partner definitely sounds nice, it wouldn’t be fair.
To them, or to me.
It wouldn’t be fair for a person to have the gravity of someone else’s happiness in their hands.
Because its hard enough to take care of one’s own.
And I know. Its hard. And sometimes a partner is exactly what you need during those times. Just to support you. To hold you. To makes things a little bit clearer.
But when you put your happiness in someone else’s hands completely, they drop it. Every time. And it is heavy. It isn’t their fault. Or yours.
It goes both ways. You can make each other happy. But the whole thing shouldn’t be in a way where only YOU can make them happy and it is YOU who has to face the consequences. It should be in a way where you’re there when they’re happy and you help them get to their happy place.
As for me, I’m a warped sort of person who would rather be sad alone. I wouldn’t want to put someone through that. Because I’ve never been the type to put my stuff on someone else (mainly cause I’m the someone to most people). I’ve done that putting-the-weight-on-someone-else thing before and it isn’t pretty. Or fair.
It’s all about sharing.
Just… at the end of the day, it’s all about support. Some days you might have to pull 80% of the weight and that’s okay. It can’t always be 50-50. Because both of you will have some days where you are just tired. At the end of the day, be in a relationship because you wholly want to be with that person. If you’re not sure, tell them. Please please don’t lead a person to think there is more there than there is. It isn’t fair.
And if you do decide to wholly love them, then that’s great. There’s now a person who will smile with you during your happy times and hold your hand during the sad times. And it is truly a wonderful feeling when you’ve found them.
Until then, just hold on. And if you choose to be alone, hey, join the club. Its alright. It’s your decision. At the end of the day, there are people who love you. And when you get where you want, don’t forget them.
I don’t know why I wrote this. Probably cause I’m having another depressive episode. Anyway, I love you and take care. And if you have found your person, hold them tight and treat them right.
See you next time 🙂